My Ironing Career

My ironing career began around 13. It’s so horrific that I've blocked most of it out. Mum, being a professional laundress for many years, couldn't stand a crease, even at 50 paces. So I used to watch how she ironed but after a few lessons was not required to step up. Then she got sick and I was to iron dads clothes for work. It was so nerve wracking but after ironing 5, I felt that I had it under control. The weekend came and I started to iron again and dad asked me if I could iron both sleeves from now on, not just one. Well, I thought I had been.... So being extra careful I continued on till mum came home from hospital by the next weekend.

Fast forward 1980s, and living away from home. Although materials such as Crimplene and Nylon were available they were a bastard to iron because they would melt on the iron. I preferred cotton coz I felt as if I were doing a slow cook in the plastic stuff. Venturing out on my own with an iron and ironing board was a bit scary and I had my reservations. Convincing myself, she’ll be right, Ill set the ironing board up in my bedroom with the air conditioner blowing on the back of my neck to settle my jangled nerves…….. I ironed my first weeks worth of clothes with not too much bother. Well, a few little blisters but they were mainly on my fingers. I hated the smell of FABULON so decided to get an old bottle and fill it with water then hold my finger over the top and damp the clothes down like mum sometimes did when she ran out of spray.

After a few weeks I couldn’t keep up the pace so decided to iron my clothes before work each day or when needed. Looking back now I'm thinking you are an idiot Kim Scott. Mornings were hard because first of all I had to find the clothes, which were chucked in the wardrobe so that every time you opened the cupboard an avalanche of clothes would fall out on top of anyone brave enough to open it. I kept burning myself on the stomach and the inner arms and after a year decided since the scars continued to multiply to the extent where it looked like I had a really good suntan on certain areas of the front of my body, I thought to myself, there has to be a better way to do this. This is a mugs game! I also started displaying Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (not that it was invented back then) because Id come home from work sometimes and the iron had been on all day, although I never actually started a fire with an iron. But still, it’s annoying when you remember at 10:15am that you might have left the iron on and having to ride the push bike home to check. So after a week or so it dawned on me. I had invented a new way to iron or at least a new ironing aid. It worked beautifully from day one and I continue to enjoy it to this day. What you do is you get a mist spray bottle and fill it up with water. Spray it all over your clothes while they are on your body. Bend over with your head down and continue to spray up into the air just behind you so as to wet the back. Don’t do this under the fan coz it doesn't reach the clothes very well. I mean, that’s not an issue if you are only worried about making a good first impression and in that case, just spray the front. So once that’s done you can either just make your way to work or stand under the fan till it dries out. I took the first option because the body heat would evaporate the water within about 10 minutes and had the added bonus of a brief cooling effect while riding or driving to work.

It’s now the 1990s. It was agreed that I could be trusted enough to look after Lauren and Ady Boy while Simmone and Mark were at the Darwin Hospital with Hamishs impending premature birth. I thought the whole thing was going well until a note came home from school with the kids saying their clothes looked like they hadn’t been ironed and that the clothes were very sticky. Mmmmm, I was a bit miffed but thought to give them the benefit of the doubt, I should get the spray bottle and just see if the water was alright. It turned out it was Simmones hairdressing bottle which had been filled up with a watery kind of gel she used on her clients hair. So emptying the gel, I replenished it with water from the tap and it was all sweet from then on.

Id always had an iron but that was strictly for patch working and when I arrived in Canberra in 2004, I continued with the spray bottle method even though the weather was cold, because the iron was in storage in Katherine for a year. When it finally was delivered to me, I thought Ill just see if it works and if not, Ill buy a new one. I heard like a rattling noise when I plugged it in but being a risk taker just continued on. Once it started getting really warm, this swarm of cockroaches ran up my arm and out around the room to enhance the ACTs gene pool. I laughed my head off because dad used to always call the cockroaches in my bedroom, my family.

2006 was a dawning in the fashion industry when the crinkled un-ironed look came into play. I felt like Id finally been validated.

I do appreciate a perfect crease, especially on short sleeves, but only on other people. You know the ones that would poke your eye out if you got too close.

As of today, the majority of my clothes are still ironed using the misting technique. Now I have an obsession with linen, I do have to iron the collars and cuffs under certain circumstances. My current iron has been left on occasionally. The first time I was becoming irritated that someone had been reversing their car (beep beep sound) for almost a ½ an hour, when I realised that it was actually my irons warning system telling me I had left the iron on yet again…..