In The Pink

Ive not written about my strife over the past 3 months at work until now because its been too painful. However, I feel I am turning the corner and some of my self esteem has returned. So here goes...... In March I was put into a role that I didn't really want (but felt I had no choice) and had no skill or knowledge in that part of the system I was to work with, also with no training or support. My direct supervisor didn't like me and was never available to me as she was always too busy and left me out of the loop. Basically it was their bad management of the situation that exacerbated my (at that point undiagnosed) Dyslexia. I've always known something was wrong and by reading, identified it as Dyslexia. After 25 years in the workforce I developed a checking system for myself that has allowed me to work in Finance for most of those years with out really being able to see 3s 5s and 8s as being different numbers, the first time I look at them. I knew if I was out by 5 it was a stuff up between the 8 and 3, and so on. So when I had my first tune up the Section Head she asked me was it true that I was Dyslexic because shed heard that I had told someone I was. I said I thought I was but its never been diagnosed or a problem before. So basically what they come up with was I was to go "offline" and teach myself the job from the ground up by reading (yes reading) a manual. Well after about 2 months they decided I was struggling but didn't actually say it. I felt I was getting a handle on it. So the Section Head offered me a Voluntary Redundancy and told me not to tell anyone else that she had done that. Turns out the Branch Manager was unaware of the whole situation and he was the one who would have to approve it. Well I was fractured and to tell the truth, was thinking whats the point of living. I'm useless. I rang a few people who know how I work and told them what was going on. They were really angry and amongst other words said "Who are these idiots?" They were really supportive, and for this I give thanks. When I refused the VR, the Section Head then went and tried to performance manage me out of the public service. I was never told this by the Section Head, but through the case worker who had been assigned to me to deal with my "Intellectual Disability". Once disabilities got involved things began to improve but before that I already had applied for a job at a higher level and eventually won it. And I really enjoy it. I'm not sure if I will stay there but its a good change and the people are nice.

The good thing is that Ive had two assessments for different types of Dyslexia and yes, I am severely Dyslexic with a form that they have not seen before and also I'm affected by glare (another type) So work are going to pay for my remedial treatments and also my new pink glasses and take out the fluorescent lights above my desk. No wonder I always pull out fluros and replace with globes. Amazingly the pink overlays the guy left me and changing the colour of the computer screen worked immediately and I don't struggle so much to read. I never knew how much energy I spent trying to read and write until the assessments. After each one my nose and eyes start to run and then I couldn't stop yawning and have to go home and have a two hour sleep. When I wake up I'm still exhausted for the rest of the day.

Ive learned so much out of this whole thing about myself and others

• There is always a choice


• Don't assume people in managerial roles have the skill to manage or know how to plan or ask for help if they don't know something


• Don't laugh (under any circumstances) when your boss tells you off - it makes them really red and shout. My imagination runs wild is situations like this.


• That we all have gifts that can be used to the benefit of other people


• That my concept of what is difficult is skewed by thinking hard things are normal. Like when I got dumped off the St Cecilia's Choir for not being able to read music


• That I have a great network of supportive people who would bend over backwards for me


• Who really likes me and who just put up with me because the Section Head (at the start) liked me


• That I think in pictures


• That I am resilient


• That God is amongst all this somewhere and wants me to learn something before I die


• That pink rocks!!


• Spell check is a wonderful invention


• There are alot of Dyslexic people out there that don't know they have it


• Navgirl is my role model


• My depth perception is not the same as other peoples. (hence the screaming of certain passengers in my car before I apply the brakes in some situations) Please note: I have NEVER had an accident yet in 37 years of driving.


• That you can get by without ever knowing where north is


• That left and right are over rated


• That sequencing is best left to others

• Work is essential for my mental health


• That where theres a Will, I will find my way. (Will as in my cobber, Mr Tse)

The assessors say that I will notice the increase in energy once I have completed all the remedial work. My next thought was - does that mean Ill be A.D.D. and need to be medicated so I can do my job?

This photo was chosen not only for the lovely pinks but the light shining through that heightened the texture and esoteric feel.