Mold

Being born in the tropics of Katherine, the Wet Season set me up for an antagonistic relationship with fungus. There's my mum holding her first born bundle of perfection only to find out that I had a nice coating of Candida Albicans instead of a plum in my mouth. Nice! really nice, in fact mum could have named me Candida like the girl in Tony Orlandos song....

Whoa Candida....We could make it together
The further from here girl the better
Where the air is fresh and clean

Hmmm hmmm Candida....Just take my hand and I"ll lead ya
I promise life will be sweeter....

But I deviate, mold (amongst other things) was something I battled daily for the first 43 years of my life. I now realise that dad had a skewed definition about the word edible because he had been brought up in the 1940s, in Katherine, on bread that would be toasted if it showed signs of mold.

I was always in trouble for ear wigging as a kid, well thats when I didn't have tropical ear and could hear. Id stand out side the Sydney William Hut and listen to the women who explained in detail and with great hilarity the men had real problems deciphering the Colgates tooth paste from the Canesten tubes especially when pie eyed. Gives a whole new slant on the term "Moss Mouth".

Driving on the way up to Darwin in the early 1970s, dad decided us girls might be hungry so he pulled into Hayes Creek and got Simmone and I a meat pie each. The pies had the mandatory tomatoe sauce on top and at the first bite I thought it tasted a bit funny so decided to lift the lid. It looked alright but just to be sure I took the lid totally off which revealed mold covering the complete underside of the pastry and hovered delicately above the meat. Hence the weird way I eat pies from a shop.

I owned a beautiful old tropical style house built in 1952. You know the style, with lots of louvers and not many walls. Its adorable. The architect really knew how to accommodate the environment into his designs (thinking mold). During the build up and right through the wet mold covered all surfaces of the house that were not touched on a daily basis. It was like the house would change colour every 6 months on its own to camouflage with the surroundings. This included towels, shoes, handbags - the list goes on but what finally topped me over the edge was when I woke up one morning after a two week continual monsoon drizzle to find my white pillowcase had turned grey with mold overnight. I said out loud, even though I lived alone "I'm over this shit!" and started making arrangements to live in Canberra. That talking scene is a symptom of mango madness also known as seasonally affected disorder in the more educated states.

Not only was mold on things but it was also in things such as food, fridges and ears. I remember one poor bloke who immigrated from a pommy winter into the build up of the wet in Katherine who fiercely fought against fungus and was probably scared for life by the experience. Everyone in town knew what was going on with him as he was walking real funny for a couple of weeks. The blokes at work bestowed on him a subtle nickname "Bollocks" because he survived his very first episode of nacky rash.

Southerners are real know alls about living in the tropics, well for thats the first few days until reality kicks in. I had a friend from Bendigo come to stay in the wet season and he decided that he would leave his clothes in the washing machine after the cycle finished after hearing my advice to hang them out straight away. After 9 hours the clothes had morphed into to grey and black garments, totally unreconisable to him and really smelly. When he came and asked me whos clothes they were in the washing machine I couldn't contain myself.

My first few days living in Canberra were traumatic, to say the least. On the second day at work my workmates wanted to know if I wanted coffee from the shop and I thought about coffee but couldn't remember the names (Late, Cappuccino) so just said hot chocolate would be nice thanks. Well it arrived and I opened the take away cup to see two white mold dots on top and they saw my face scew up and said "Whats wrong" to which I replied " Its gone moldy already" they all looked at each other and then the drink and said "No it just the Marshmallows" and proceeded to tell me how that all works.