There was a young lass named Ness
who, on noticing her dishevelled dress
said 'I'll do what I oughter,
I'll sprinkle a little water,
and give it a vertical press.

By Father Murf

In response to this one by me

There was a nice bloke called murf
who always dreamed of the surf
and a house by the sea
for bendin the knee
surrounded by freshly mowed turf.