Ahha Moment

Over the past 6 months Ive felt that I'm a hassle to people I try to keep relationships going with. I realized that I'm the one who always initiates catch ups. Yeah, I know some people are not good at that kind of thing and that it could be the menopause hormones making me feel that way. I'm currently leaning towards - I'm too intense and that those relationships were more valuable to me than them.. well they say the power of a relationship rests with the person who cares the least...

Also this past week Ive been pondering truth which I will blog about tomorrow as it also ties in to this ahha moment.

Today I went back to church at St Ninians mainly to drop off some brooches Id made for the fete they have in November. It was going to be a sort of parting gift. However I received a gift of insight, which was a total surprise. When I walked in everyone was all happy and smiling at me, nice to see you again and all that stuff. When we settled down I straight away noticed the flower arrangement which was huge and beautiful, full of perfect spring flowers. It was the base of the arrangement with three great leaves in the shape like the Mercedes Benz symbol. I got to thinking about what that shape means to me and come up with direction. Listening to the homily about where is Godde - what direction is your life taking - it dawned on me that something big was happening that I need to take notice of. So right through the ceremony I was focusing in on words and feelings and kept looking over at Marie who has downs syndrome. I don't see that syndrome as negative more of an unique gift. I realised I had missed her so much. She has such a light and love pouring effortlessly our of her. So once the ceremony was over and I handed over my jewels (gamin) I headed of to find the table where Marie normally sits and sure enough there it was, a table and one chair. This is how it was when I first started going to this church Marie sitting there all alone after church with a cuppa and a biscuit, no one talking to her. Marie was not out of church yet so I found another chair and waited for her to come and when she saw me she said I like you, then she recognised me and gave me the biggest longest and loveliest hug Ive had in a long long time. She totally abandoned herself to it. This is where the Ahhha kicked in. Then we got down to the business of drinks and I served her up a glass of water which she looked at with disapproval but I didn't know what she drank usually so she started to drink it after awhile. When her carer arrived we chatted and told her how much I had missed Marie and wondered if I could have her name and address so I could visit her. She was a bit cagey at first but then I started to tell her of my experience with Alzheimer's nursing she opened up. Apparently Marie has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's recently, so I have asked if I can come visit on the weekends and she gave me all the details and I'm looking forward to seeing Marie in her own environment. Everything is has been lined up. Yesterdays visual diary entry where I knew I was searching for something, the flower arrangement symbol, the homily, the focusing on Marie, her carer talking to me, and me wanting to tell someone who would understand these signs (my nephew Hamish who knows Marie) being the one to answer the phone when I called my sisters house, I have faith that this is the direction Godde wants me to take - for me to be an Angel for Marie...... I dont care how big headed that sounds, I just know its right. So now I will channel my care to Marie and not humbug people for catch ups so much.

PS: Just googled what the Mercedes symbol stands for "The Mercedes star is a symbol for dominion--dominion over the sky, earth and sea.... and the name Mercedes is a spanish girls name meaning grace.