Circles and Motherhood

Yesterday I went to see more new paintings by Annie Franklin. By chance she was there. I went over to her and asked how much the painting that grabbed my eye was. We had a brief chat then I went back and looked at the 6 paintings again. Her work, I believe, works on the unconscious mind because when I went back again and looked I was over washed with emotions. One of the paintings had tiny foot prints straddling a circle. It looked like baby footprints, you know the flat no arch type print. I started to cry. This was a different painting to the one I first saw. I felt so overwhelmed I left with out saying goodbye, but I heard her call out goodbye as the door closed behind me. This morning I went to church with the Catholics as a friend of mine is always trying to coax me back wanted me to meet with her there and we have coffee after. So I went wearing a round Indigenous made brooch. She started questioning me about the brooches I was making, that was it OK to make them in that shape and design. I said that question had already crossed my mind and I think I have the right to make the shapes and designs I want because a circle is deep within the human mind as safe. I came to that conclusion because we all start of as a circle (ie cell). I also mentioned that those shapes and designs are what I have been surrounded with my whole life and that I am accepted as Aboriginal by having a skin name, however I am respectful that I have not followed the traditions and responsibilities attached to that name and feel like I'm somewhere between two worlds but with most of my orientation in Anglo society. Looking back on the circle, I remember feeling an overwhelming urge to straddle the circle at the centre of the Labyrinth and did so the last time I was there. So circles symbolise motherhood, safeness, a new beginning, no ending and love for me.

Ive always said that Godde knew what to do by not giving me children. Last night my friend Ebbs rang me and I mentioned it to her and she said Miss Scott you would have been an awesome mother, your kids would have known right from wrong and they would have been really good communicators. I really needed to hear that right then and yes I now think I would have breathed for them if I could. But I would have been a bit slappy which I know is not good. Further reflecting I think I try to do too much mothering and it gets people offside. I should just shut up and let people have the benefit of my closed mouth.