Rigid

Art Therapy this week was about habits that I feel are holding me back. I did a Mandala of negative thoughts and words about me, lack of attention to detail, lack of time awareness. Then I was shown a bunch of flashcards and asked to pick which one "talked" to me and draw what it was saying. The picture was of a knight on a black horse sitting really upright and stiff by Gustav Klimt. Rigid is what it said to me. In most parts of my life I'm able to bend over backwards for people. The one area that I am still rigid in is my attitude to most males. I'm hoping now that it has raised its head that I can overcome this habit.

Good Words I Heard Lately

1. "She rests in herself" - Angelika... about my sister.
2. "Look out for the messengers (Angels) each day" - Theresa's homily.
3. "And the sheep hear the VOICE" - What I wrote on the back of Narrative Art Card.

I cant sleep. I'm way over stimulated from Theresa's first Mass. Id love to add the homily audio I recorded today but cant work out how to do that.

I cant sleep. Ive been agitated for the past 6 weeks with a question I want to ask Misty. And I cant sleep (did I just say that again???) so Ive fired off the question right now while I have no capacity to think logically. I want to hear her voice, so Ive asked her if she could please make up a poem into a movie with her images and her voice over. She probably thinks I'm a crackpot but I don't care. I'm taking this "ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT" to a whole new level.

Theresas Ordination

This is my first attempt at narrative art. Its the story of how Theresas preaching has help to heal me. That's the green pouch they are stored in right next to them.

The ceremony was beautiful, the setting, the music the people. I can see the Bishop is glad to have her, and why wouldn't he be? Hes getting a strong, intelligent, hardworking Holy woman in his team.

Dinner With Angelika and Edward

I just got back from dinner with this couple. She made a sensational cake which was followed a few hours later by a traditional German meal, snitzle with a fried egg on top, potatoes, white (yes white) asparagus and holandaise sauce. The flavours were subtle and unusual bloody superb infact. I loved watching this woman bringing it all together while talking to me in her new language. Simmone says I should hold on to her because she is really lovely. Id already made my mind up to do that anyway but Simmones vote of confidence is nice to have.

Irena Sendler

There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena. During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the WarsawGhetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. She had an ' ulterior motive ' ... She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews, (being German.) Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids.) She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises. During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants. She was caught, and the Nazi ' s broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family. Most of course had been gassed. Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted.
Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize ... She was not selected.
* Al Gore won, for a slide show on Global Warming.

Home Alone

Tonight I'm home alone after a week of the family visit. It seams so empty. Ill not miss sleeping on the couch tho. I reckon Ive walked 10kms today as well. I'm weary but still capable of walking and making my bed up. I'm feeling so good and wanted right now someone will need to give me a tune up to bring me back to reality. Works great, my self esteem is at its peak in 12 months. This is what a family visit does to me. I'm in love with life.

Piccies of Hamish Ice Skating, Hamishs pea shooting display and twin sisters.

Lunch With Gen X

After a lovely few hours at the Botanical Gardens, I asked Mr C to lunch, my shout, his choice. We had Maccas coz that's what young people do. We tried the new "ICED COFFEE' and I threw a spanner in the works by asking for some soft serve ice cream in mine. Will took control of the situation (being the risk manager for Australia's leading accounting firm) because the girl behind the register didn't know how to charge me as I was asking for something that there was no button for. Will said "just charge it as a Sunday" then went on surreptitiously to explain these fast food American shops cant cope with improvisation. Apparently the Fillet of Fish is the most healthy of all the choices from that shop. The Iced Coffee was good.

First up we disussed RESPECT. That took 5 minutes. Parents dont expect RESPECT.

Then went on to mutual obligation as a concept Gen Y and X (on the whole) are not really familiar with. We shared stories we have observed. The no board, bringing the new "friend" home to stay, not contributing to the running of the house .. then there is the crashing cars that are either repaired or replaced by parents because they want their child to remain at uni and not have to catch a bus..binge drinking blah blah.... Being single people we both know that its the parents responsibility to be teaching this stuff to the child before it leaves home because its a damn cold hard world out there kids. That took a further hour or so.

We're sounding like grumpy old fockers. Im a Baby Boomer by the way, GROOVY BABY!!!

Katherine Standards

I found this removalist ticket that was attached to a bed I'm erecting for dad. It came with me from Katherine in 2004. Its got me reflecting back on my life in that town. I can see now I never really fitted in there. For a start my DNA didn't like the heat, my eyes and skin are the wrong colour for that country. My interests as a child were music and science, I was the odd kid out who didn't drink or smoke. Working life was satisfactory and I learned to get enjoyment from completing things rather than being joyful in doing the actual job. The people I worked with were what made me want to go to work.

I see those few peoples faces right now, who told me when I was about 20 that I should move to a big city. I knew my future was looking dull but I couldn't leave my family. One guy actually pulled up in Dowling Street with a new bus on his way out of town and tried to persuade me to join him right there, on his way to a new life in Perth. I remember standing in that bus so very close to accepting. I didn't know him very well and we only spoke a few times. He was a real gentleman. I came to my fork in the road. Looking back now it was a Lancelot scene, try to picture a horse instead of the bus.....

Canberra has been so wonderful for me and I am very happy here. The happiest I have been in my whole life.

Easter Sunday

I made a comeback at church today. I cant do Easter Friday or Saturday its way too violent and I used to have too many nightmares.

I went back to St Ninians and it was a nice service conducted by an older lady Norma Brown who used some Indigenous stories aimed at the kids about the how a Caterpillar and moth take flight, to explain the Resurrection.

Theresa was there in the congregation and she looked really well and I'm so proud of her fronting up in the congregation. She will be ordained in the Anglican Church as a priest on the 26th of April. This makes me very happy as I have been praying for priesthood for her since the day I first saw her. She will do prison chaplain work and be the spare priest for the Goulburn District so I can see Ill be taking a few trips there to hear her preach in the future.

I hardly ever feel lonley but for some reason I do tonight. Things have been hitting me hard lately with the issue of mortality. What is my future going to be like as I get older? These questions were on my mind last Thursday walking home from work when I looked at the earth as I was waking through a short cut. I just kept looking at it because I felt so much love for it. Theres so much concrete or paving here its not easy to find exposed dirt. The old ashes to ashes dust to dust thingy is on my mind.

On the upside is old fatcheeks has been high in the sky, which is comforing to see.

National Folk Festival

Spent a fabulous day with Angilika, getting to know her and listinging to the wonderful music, food and trinkets from all parts of the world. Exhausting but definately worth it.

Water - The Elixir Of Life

A girl I have known since she was born wrote me this lovley email today. It made my day.


"All my life I have been plagued with dry lips and always thought that it was because I was perpetually sunburnt or that I was deficient in some vital vitamin or something. You were the first person to tell me that it was because I didn’t drink enough water. At first I didn’t believe you as I thought I drank enough water. Well lately I have been doing a little experiment and you are right!. It is just that I have to drink bucket loads of water and I need to pee all day but that is a good excuse to go for a walk from my desk. I am so grateful that I actually have kissable lips and that I can smile without feeling like my lips are going to crack.
Thank you, you are my saviour."

Posters

I hung the posters up at 7:15am this morning at work. When I asked my friend to check at 10am if they were still there they had disappeared. The three of them were gone. I then started feeling really bad about myself, saying things like why didn't I go through the proper channels, why did I spend all Sunday on doing that. Then I started telling myself its the intentions that's the most important and Ive put the signs there with good vibes. Any way I had to go back there at 3pm and someone had put them up again. I'm so wrapped. Ive had a good day.

Saw this lovely writing on another blog...

"In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe... as the Buddha said: 'Hatred will never cease by hatred. By love alone is it healed.'

New Workspace

Today I spent most of the day making three "welcome, happy unpacking" signs for our new building our group is shifting into tomorrow. I think its important to get the right vibes happening before people shift in, so did these signs up in the hope that the feeling will be a good one from day one. I spoke to a couple of people about my plan and they were less than complementary but I'm busting through all that now and just doing my own thing.

Sally Ann & Me

Sally came to Canberra this weekend to attend a conference. She looks so good. Both of us really miss the NT ways and we are talking Katherine way together. She is such an inspiration to me. Shes in Melbourne to study Medicine. I cant wait to call her Dr. Sally.

Haiku

My friend Esther and I have been meeting for over a year, mostly monthly for art and play sessions. I decided 3 years ago I would look around for people I would ask to be my friend who will take me up a level. I asked first, offering myself to Judy (who teaches me recorder), who took about 6 weeks to contact me and accept. Then I asked Esther who took me on immediately. Another lady I asked kind of drifted away after her life got too busy with the kids. I just wanted to be game and not shame about trying to grow to the next level and its paid off.

Esther is a gentle soul and what I loved about her is, I saw her one day having lunch with her parents and they were so loving and harmonious together.

So this year we are not doing art, we agreed on Haiku and short story writing. I didn't even know what it meant but its poetry in the Japanese style totalling 17 syllables or in the 5,7,5 syllables on three lines.

We are writing into my birthday book at the moment and I write one poem and then she writes one back an forth. Its my turn to come up with another. But here is her last entry.

I also do the passing thing back and forth of a colourful ornamental spider my dad gave me. I took it to Darwin last time I went and he will bring it with him when he comes back to Canberra. Back and forth. There is something spiritual about this passing and waiting thing that I love.