This is the response I sent back to the people who sent me their funny stories. Ive had some good laughs today.
Don't read this if you are sensitive.
December 17th 1992. I went on the last holiday with my mum and dad, I knew it would be the last with the three of us together. I'm 31 years old, but felt 16, especially with holidaying with mum and dad. Mum was well into her dementia phase at this stage and it was so stressful for all of us including mum. We were driving to Port Augusta to see dads father. Dad always used to get crusty at us girls wanting to pull up for a pee, so that set the scene for major angst about driving from Alice Springs to Port Augusta in the one day. Mum and I did great and managed to only pee at the designated pee stops, but 160km out of Port Augusta, mum had to pee. Because of her condition, we always took her word for it. And secretly I wanted a wee too. She, in her limited way told dad that she needed to wee, so he pulled over reluctantly. The country side was all salt bush and sand. Not a tree in sight or a blade of grass. It seemed like there was a 40 degree 90km wind as we both stepped out onto the side of the road from the air-conditioned car, looking for that perfect spot. Mum being pretty damn keen had gone about 3m into the scrub, and squatted, I was waiting patiently to give her the toilet roll but mum had other plans. She backed out this huge number two. I'm thinking "oh this will be nice" trying not to look, busting myself and she decided it was now the right time to get that grogen out. So I gave her some paper and went further into the scub so I could keep an eye on her. I was scared she would run into the scrub and get lost. (no trees, go figure) I'm squatting there doing my stuff and next minute I'm getting the urge to push as well. What the ? Luckily I had the toilet roll in my hand. All was going well as I could see mum pulling up her pants, but then I saw a Mac truck approaching so fast I didn't have time to do anything except hide my face. The bastard beeped his horn twice. Those low long calls those trucks do. BBBBBRRRRRR BBBBBBBBRRRR. I was so shame that my guts started to cramp and it wouldn't snap off , if you get my drift. To add to this angst dad was beeping the horn too. Finally started to unroll the toilet paper and as I did the wind caught it so I was wrestling the mongrel thing so I could finish this job. Ah!!!! but that was too easy hey. My gut was cramping again every time I twisted around to do the job. So I just pushed through the pain and everything was in order again. I was so full of stress I couldn't even sigh. When I finally got back to the car dad said "What took you so long?" I was so frazzled I told him mum had started doing a crap and I went out in sympathy with her and my arms were too short to reach my bum..... he starting laughing so hard, it made mum and I laugh as well, which was just the thing we needed after having such a horrific pee stop. We all did the hand washing routine together, but dad couldn't help it and everywhere we went on holidays, dad told the story. And that's how I got such a thick skin.
Don't read this if you are sensitive.
December 17th 1992. I went on the last holiday with my mum and dad, I knew it would be the last with the three of us together. I'm 31 years old, but felt 16, especially with holidaying with mum and dad. Mum was well into her dementia phase at this stage and it was so stressful for all of us including mum. We were driving to Port Augusta to see dads father. Dad always used to get crusty at us girls wanting to pull up for a pee, so that set the scene for major angst about driving from Alice Springs to Port Augusta in the one day. Mum and I did great and managed to only pee at the designated pee stops, but 160km out of Port Augusta, mum had to pee. Because of her condition, we always took her word for it. And secretly I wanted a wee too. She, in her limited way told dad that she needed to wee, so he pulled over reluctantly. The country side was all salt bush and sand. Not a tree in sight or a blade of grass. It seemed like there was a 40 degree 90km wind as we both stepped out onto the side of the road from the air-conditioned car, looking for that perfect spot. Mum being pretty damn keen had gone about 3m into the scrub, and squatted, I was waiting patiently to give her the toilet roll but mum had other plans. She backed out this huge number two. I'm thinking "oh this will be nice" trying not to look, busting myself and she decided it was now the right time to get that grogen out. So I gave her some paper and went further into the scub so I could keep an eye on her. I was scared she would run into the scrub and get lost. (no trees, go figure) I'm squatting there doing my stuff and next minute I'm getting the urge to push as well. What the ? Luckily I had the toilet roll in my hand. All was going well as I could see mum pulling up her pants, but then I saw a Mac truck approaching so fast I didn't have time to do anything except hide my face. The bastard beeped his horn twice. Those low long calls those trucks do. BBBBBRRRRRR BBBBBBBBRRRR. I was so shame that my guts started to cramp and it wouldn't snap off , if you get my drift. To add to this angst dad was beeping the horn too. Finally started to unroll the toilet paper and as I did the wind caught it so I was wrestling the mongrel thing so I could finish this job. Ah!!!! but that was too easy hey. My gut was cramping again every time I twisted around to do the job. So I just pushed through the pain and everything was in order again. I was so full of stress I couldn't even sigh. When I finally got back to the car dad said "What took you so long?" I was so frazzled I told him mum had started doing a crap and I went out in sympathy with her and my arms were too short to reach my bum..... he starting laughing so hard, it made mum and I laugh as well, which was just the thing we needed after having such a horrific pee stop. We all did the hand washing routine together, but dad couldn't help it and everywhere we went on holidays, dad told the story. And that's how I got such a thick skin.
2 comments:
What a belly laugh. I think you just won your own prize. Very funny Kim.
Magic - Kim style through and through. Luv ya. Moo
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