So today is my last day of full-time work. Tomorrow will be a big struggle to keep focused on being an Artist. That means doing Art that is mine and not being afraid that it doesn't look like other art. Thats been one of my biggest challenges is that its not like the others. My whole life Ive been trying to be like the others. Of course I can't achieve that and now there is no excuses.
Also considering getting off Facebook and stop playing online Scrabble so I can be more productive. Just have to work out what to do with photos I want to keep.
Something very scary and confronting has happened. I have negotiated to work 3 days a week. You may ask yourself what so scary about that? Well for years Ive been telling myself I can't be a real artist because work takes up all my time. So now Ive run out of pages in my book of excuses and going to have to put my real self out there, be the artist I always should have been, and battle the demons of the blank canvas, the blank pages and the blank stares. At least I have this crochet blanket to transition with to work on for Master Lincoln Robert Reed.
Thursday, 25 August 2016
2010 this photo was taken. I got word today Angelika went to Godde on the 3rd of August 2016. She holds the umbrella. I don't know the details and was advised by text from her partner Edward. She never told me she was sick and I hadn't heard from her for two years and just thought she's decided to stay in Germany. Heavy heart and her words "she rests in herself" are on my mind and prayers.
The library approached me a couple of weeks ago to ask if I would like to read my little zine for seniors month. This library is trying really hard to kept the energy going in a building which is hidden away, unable to provide free access to the internet due to council policy (trying to protect small cafes incomes) so I said yes. Feeling slightly chuffed but scared.
This entailed constantly reading aloud for a couple of weeks prior to the event once a day and then twice a day towards the end.
Driving to the event I started getting anxiety and was coaching myself "find my centre" over and over. That wasn't working so I switched the radio on and the first words were "be still and know that I am Godde" Bless! The traffic got a bit frisky in the main drag so I was concentrating on that and when I parked I thought I don't know how to start the reading. So I just went to a dark part of the library and sat there and nothing came but the anxiety left me.
So when the people arrived they sat all scattered and far away as possible to my chair table and water. Then it just came to me I saw a quote yesterday by Tom E Lewis (Indigenous Artist) who said "its time to get close to the campfire and have a yarn". I asked everyone to gather closer and gave a brief introduction about why I wrote this zine. It went something like this. I wanted to write a little zine about ironing as its a dying art and in the future fabrics will be designed to be natural fibre and crease free and I wanted to capture the process and all the effort that women have been putting into caring for fabrics over the centuries.
It went well.
When I was walking out of the event Pastor Jerry was walking towards me and I said I have something to tell you and recounted the story and he took me in his arms and gave me a big hug which is what I need right them. So moral of this story is have time to processes the signs and trust. It worked out to be a very enjoyable interlude and the feedback about including laughing in telling was good advice.
Down at the Godinymayin Yijard Rivers Arts and Culture Centre today for a bit of public art practice. I feel sorry for this space because it is not being used by the towns people only when an a exhibition or show is on. So my plan is to go there at least once a week to do some art on site. Its such a beautiful space and shame for them to run air-conditioning for a couple of people who might rock up to look at the exhibition or check the shop out.
Theres a girl there looking after the shop who came out just as I was leaving and I stated to her Im so sad for this space not being used to its fullest capacity and told Simmone I am now the artist in residence. Cheeky bitch!!! In the theme of things not being used to there fullest extend I got on to one of my pet subject telling Caroline that Thermomix has turned me into a chief. I said to her "I know I should like a Thermomix Consultant but Im just so thankful that when things live up to and exceed my expectations I can't hold it in". "Yeah", says Caroline "I love my Tupperware" "I agree" I said and telling her I am trying to get plastics out of my life as much as possible I would choose Tupperware first, then blurting out "Out live your Tuppeware Warranty. Go On!" Well this started her chuckling and I was glad to see a smile on her face.
These are the sort of conversations you get in arty farty spaces and make life exciting........
My friend ZZs Birthday today and I made her this card. It come from a joke when I was starting to loose my hearing and I thought she said she used to live in New Guinea. I was talking about New Guinea for alot months with her and she never asked what the fascination was. She puts up with a lot really, like when I showed her a shortcut to her home, which actually was 800m longer that her usual route. It all came to a head when I was helping her with her application to work in an Indigenous Organisation and I said well, I don't have to tell you whats it like cos you already lived in New Guinea. She said - No, Ive never lived or visited there and so the joke began....along with her ribbing me about shortcuts.
Season is changing and there is not as much light around now especially in the morning. Ive been waiting for the right time to post this lovely winter scene sent to me from my friend in Hobart. This was taken in 2005. Looks like a golden morning to me. I am hoping for a lot of snow this winter. Thank you Heidi.
Creating a birthday present on the public holiday was a real buzz. I'm pretty slack with presents but decided this girl needed gifts because she has given me so many. I'm hoping she will take up the option of creating arrangements too. Its nice to have something on your workstation instead of a pile of chewed fingernails. Saw that one coming didn't you......
We get a day off because living in the nations capital is just so stressful trying to keep up with all the cultural activities including the Balloon Festival that I visited at the crack of dawn.
This arrangement has been created with Jodi Mary Kylie Scattini in mind because its been one year of sleeping in 100% linen sheets. I'm still perving on all the the creases and soft undulating shapes the sheets make and wish everyone could experience such pleasure. Three tiny scraps sit on the left hand side of the dish to symbolize the Holy Trinity.
This festival gets better every year. They even had moving images going across the buildings. As part of this festival they had a starlight dinner which I treated my best friend MissEbberle to. The dinner was to be on top of old parliament house under the stars with the ability to see all the images being projected on to the building and the lazer lights shooting up to the sky. Because it was overcast and raining intermittedly we couldnt eat up there, but we were allowed to view the action for 1/2 hour from the roof while being serenaded by a gorgeous young woman singing opera.
The dinner was out of this world. I have never thought to put a gourmet dinner on my bucket list and was not really interested in the whole idea of 4 courses accompanied by aperitifs, wine and beer sort of thing so how amazing was it when it was the most unexpected pleasure I'm glad I didnt miss? I had no idea that my tongue was capable of such oral splendor. At no other time have I been consumed physically and emotionally with such strength of taste while indulging in the act of eating.
So thankful for this experience that I could have missed in my lifetime had it not been for my friendship with Miss Ebberle who is a top cheff as well.
We don't talk about things on water and
it looks like we not talking about things on land either. Doesn't leave
much now the space shuttle programs gone arse up.
Well, I'm still trying to reconcile the fact that Tone exists and hes our captain.
Here is picture of my dad teaching an apprentice to fix an engine in 1974. His hair look dark still and he was 36 years only. I love watching him work on things. His lovely shaped hands have a wisdom of their own. Big square manly hands. They are still really strong and can still do the smallest intricate moves. Especially when hes cracking a can to ease his thirst.
Creep! I used to call the neice and nephews at the time when they were too little to understand what I was saying, Creeps. It was a term of endearment. Id say to my sister when they were walking towards her beep beep - here comes the creeps and we would both burst out laughing. Well, in this photo the word creep is obvious. As I get older my hair is slowly creeping backwards. If it keeps going, people will think Im Art Garfunkels sister. The younger one of course.
My sister has been under the pump recently as she has had her moon boot removed and trying to rehabilitate to walk on both feet again. Due to this her brain is so overloaded with messages from her foot and shes coming up with some purler words like these;
Pummick Stumped. - stomach pumped.
Doliade - She was talking about a doll that she sent to the dolls hospital in Adelaide recently.
Jocky and Loady - Jody and Lockie.
Today I recieved the news that Paul Croft, who I have been praying for in my prayer list for many years, had gone to Godde sometime in the last 3 days. Im bruised Im teary. Want to write this pain out.
So I met Paul when he first came to Katherine with Mark (my brother in law) Bungie, I call him bungie coz thats what he would be to me in Aboriginal society. Pauls Marks little brother. We used to hang out together in the 80s as Mark and Simmone were an item. Things progressed with the couple and Paul went back to NSW to work and Simmone and Mark eventually went back to NSW and then back to Katherine to marry and raise a family.
On Simmones and Marks wedding day Paul was the best boy and I was the best girl. There was no hint at that point that he would become addicted to alcohol. He was an amazing self taught Taxidermist and an delicate sculptor and basically could turn his hand to anything with intelligence kindness and talent.
You know, the older I get the more I see the smart talented and sensitive souls of this earth wither and die before their time, just because the gifts and things they have to offer our world are not valued especially in a monetary way. So he struggled on producing his wares and farming the land and being alone in nature. He loved the bush. I remember being so touched when I saw that even through the ugliness of addiction he managed to grow some food, care for sick animals, and always kept himself and the house clean and tidy. That would have been so hard. So many emotions come at this point... angry is winning.
We would talk about his struggle with the piss at Simmones place in
Taree, he knew Simmone and I understood the battle and could face him in it. After
once such talk, when the rest of the family just sat and looked at the
floor, I said - come on bro, lets go to the office and I will show this
little bird on the computer that sounds just like a chainsaw he was imitating when the Zoo was having renovations done. He
was tickled pink. Im so glad I did that for him. There would have been
not much of pink in his life in those years leading up to today. His big brothers love for him was and will continue to be precious. Godde Bless them!
This amazing quilt turned up in the mail on Monday. Totally unexpected and very thankful my cousin Trish created and designed this with me in mind. I now have a handmade quilt in the house to use. Ive given so much of my handmade things away I am now going to create things for myself to use. Love surprises.
I did the picture of my friends lounge room in Katherine a few years ago. I didn't send it to her because I drew it the wrong way. The red chair should have been on the right hand side. I felt it wasn't good enough. Anyway today I found it in my storeroom and loved the textures in it so much I decided to send it to her today and she can decide what to do with it. Nice to cut loose from perfection.
Even started eating once a week with chop sticks. Starting a new course next Saturday "Traditional Chinese Painting" which will give me skills with ink.
