Facebook

At the end of the month I am deleting my Facebook account. Reason is it actually hit me when the person who was nasty to me wanted to be my friend and I felt guilty about not adding her. Then I started to think, well how many of these friends have actually spoken to me in person the last month, 6 out of 56 and two of them are my sister and niece. Some people have requested me to be their friend and have not actually written anything to me or my wall. Or messages like "what you doing" "how they hanging" like they never read or follow my profile. When I took a break from blogspot I really missed it but Ive been weaning myself of Facebook for a month or so and I don't really miss Facebook. Its all been a bit unsettling and I have just finished this book which has gotten my feet back on the ground. "Thanks to technology we've suddenly got more of everything than we can ever use, enjoy or afford. That doesn't stop us from striving though, and its making us sick, tired, overweight, angry and in debt. It burns up our personal ecologies and the planet's ecology too." I'm so hearing this and making baby steps to limit my time in technology.

Circles and Motherhood

Yesterday I went to see more new paintings by Annie Franklin. By chance she was there. I went over to her and asked how much the painting that grabbed my eye was. We had a brief chat then I went back and looked at the 6 paintings again. Her work, I believe, works on the unconscious mind because when I went back again and looked I was over washed with emotions. One of the paintings had tiny foot prints straddling a circle. It looked like baby footprints, you know the flat no arch type print. I started to cry. This was a different painting to the one I first saw. I felt so overwhelmed I left with out saying goodbye, but I heard her call out goodbye as the door closed behind me. This morning I went to church with the Catholics as a friend of mine is always trying to coax me back wanted me to meet with her there and we have coffee after. So I went wearing a round Indigenous made brooch. She started questioning me about the brooches I was making, that was it OK to make them in that shape and design. I said that question had already crossed my mind and I think I have the right to make the shapes and designs I want because a circle is deep within the human mind as safe. I came to that conclusion because we all start of as a circle (ie cell). I also mentioned that those shapes and designs are what I have been surrounded with my whole life and that I am accepted as Aboriginal by having a skin name, however I am respectful that I have not followed the traditions and responsibilities attached to that name and feel like I'm somewhere between two worlds but with most of my orientation in Anglo society. Looking back on the circle, I remember feeling an overwhelming urge to straddle the circle at the centre of the Labyrinth and did so the last time I was there. So circles symbolise motherhood, safeness, a new beginning, no ending and love for me.

Ive always said that Godde knew what to do by not giving me children. Last night my friend Ebbs rang me and I mentioned it to her and she said Miss Scott you would have been an awesome mother, your kids would have known right from wrong and they would have been really good communicators. I really needed to hear that right then and yes I now think I would have breathed for them if I could. But I would have been a bit slappy which I know is not good. Further reflecting I think I try to do too much mothering and it gets people offside. I should just shut up and let people have the benefit of my closed mouth.

Dyslexia Poem - Winifred Hughes

Dyslexic
Eye won’t track
the pencil in the doctor’s
hand or on the spread page.
Look where d is tumbling into p,
f and g bait each other
with barbed hooks, look
what means the same
right to left, slantwise, upside
down. How did sounds get
flattened, round world into
black scratches, jugglers’
dropped oranges and apples
still spinning on the blank
sheet, all the pith
pounded out of them,
eye stammering for something
real to look at, hand no
thing to grip. Words dance.
Sith this pot is top, but may
be tub. Toom is moot.
We might not die as
palindrome. So call it
spelling, cast that spell
on the misspoken
ones, some of us born
that way, some
headed there.

The Beauty Of The Fox

Fabric Book

I made this fabric book with my Haiku poems inside for Danusha and Jerrys wedding. This couple had a great plan for their wedding. Pay $65, no prezzies. Thats so sensible. The food was awesome and the company relaxed and upbeat. This was my gift to them.

Relaxing Day

Spent the day at Floriade and did a painting in water colour. I do admit that I am enthralled with this medium. Last night I went to Danushas and Jerry wedding and it was fabulous. It was funny and very emotional. The love they share is palpable.

This girl has turned her life around especially in the last 4 years and with Jerrys love. May they have a long and happy marriage with lots of little babies.

I was subjected to very strong wind today (from the environment) up at the arboretum. It was so strong that I nearly got pushed over by it and one man was crouched down leaning into me using me as wind break. That was funny. Its times like these I am reminded of the strength of mother nature and bow down in respect. It was an awesome feeling.

This week has been great for creativity as Ive written many Haiku poems and created a fabric book for the wedding with my poems inserted in side. Plus created many nutritious meals and did 5 hours exercise on the bike around the lake and weights at the gym. Feeling very satisfied with life at the moment.

Binoculars

Last night I had this weirdest dream. I was working with a girl called Suzanne and she started giving me the shits because I couldn't understand what she was trying to show me. I ended up telling her off and walked away and I was walking along a road and found a pair of binoculars right next to an old busted car. When I picked them up one side had straw packed in it. I started to pull the straw out and these embryo rabbits were squirming there. I kept searching for somewhere to put these babies and came across a box with straw in them and when I put the babies in the box all these other squirming embryos came out and some with fir and started eating the new ones I put in there. The box was a squirming red mass when I turned away with the binoculars in my hand. Then I proceeded to clean up the binoculars and they ended up fine and I could see really well out of them. Yukky!! What the?

On reflection I think it is my unconscious mind processing the whole dyslexia thing. Its always the right eye in this dream and in reality it is my right eye my brain was suppressing the images from.

Im back

Its been awhile. But hey, look at this beautiful dress made by my lovely dressmaker Sabah. Its for my friend Danushas wedding next Saturday. Also Ive been asked if I want to spend the whole of 2012 travelling in Australia for 3 months then Europe for 9 months with a choir performing. Im so tempted, but it will mean that I have to start saving right now. An opportunity not to miss really. The choir director says to me tonight...you will need the airfares and a little nest egg for just incae - just rent out your appartment, take long service leave 1/2 pay and the choir will pay for expenses of every day living and accomodation out of the takings. Bugger it Im gunna do it. A whole year of music, yes yes yes. Life begins at 50. Yoohoo!!!!