Big Day Out

Yesterday was huge. Due to bad weather we were late taking off which meant my I missed my connecting flight. Got lost in Sydney Airport for about 1/2 hour then I just surrendered and went to ask for someone to escort me to my next flight. I was on the verge of bawling when I went for help. The Qantus guy said sit over there and someone might come before your flight and help you. Well the blood pressure was about 250/500 with that remark. As I walked towards the one remaining chair with a bit of a dizzy happening, the lady who was trying to save it for her kid by putting a Coke bottle on it gave me daggers. I said to her too bad luv, I'm having a dizzy attack. She was all concern then. I'm such a drama queen these days I'm embarrassing myself. However Ive also found that if you ask for thing you nearly always get them. Up pops a gorgeous rosy cheeked you fella to escort me to the right terminal and I said to him I had visions of myself spending the rest of my natural life in the airport just like Tom Hanks did in his movie. This impressed him so much he decided to escort me to the right gate and right to a comfy seat. Bless him. So arrive in Canberra 3 hours late - no luggage. I suspected this might be a problem despite uncalled for assurance by Qantus it was all "suitcases to go". They turned up at 9pm which wasn't too bad really. Just happy I didn't have the 10kg of fish in it this time. oh yeah, and the bus driver from the airport took out two cones with the bus which made me on full alert for the rest of the trip, just for a bit of extra stimulation.

After all that excitement I went to bed curious of what dreams I would come up with in the morning. I woke up crying so loudly and tears all over my face and my solar plexus hurting from sobbing. I felt sad for most of the morning until I went to see Bright Star which made me cry hard again and that seemed to clear it. Id been dreaming about someone I love so very much dying and no one telling me. Then me finding out when they were all sitting around the table talking very blaze about the whole thing cos the chair was empty. Ive had a similar dream in September and not quite sure what it all means but I'm going to keep recording and hope that my unconscious mind will reveal whats actually troubling me.

So after all that, I decided to make over my veranda with vinca flowers (from my childhood)instead of edibles. Just trying to retrain myself from always focusing on things that are use full in a practical way rather that just beautiful, sentimental and soft to my senses. Actually, I'm going to update the soft furnishings inside too.

Scary

For the past few years I have been looking for a silver bell that is held between thumb and index finger for ringing. Dad has been on the look out for one in his travels but has not found anything. Today at Port McQuarie my brother - in - laws, sister - in- law asked me why I wanted one. Previously, I hadn't told anyone because I thought they wouldnt understand. But with my new found confidence I said this might sound weird but I want it to ring and put good vibrations in the air. You could have heard a pin drop but no one commented. Whew... Anyway, Ive decided I am going to commission one for myself.Some quotes from today in the car driving home." Its so hard being nice to people all the time"" I nearly had an anaphylactic reaction when you said you ordered me prawn cutlets instead of lamb cutlets""you're scary""$2.80 is a rip off for soda water""his wife calls him cave face" " I have two sets of parents, thats why I forgot my bathers and towel"

3rd Day Of Holidays

I'm wondering does it mean you are becoming an artist when you find little bits of paint in unusual places on your skin home and car? I started cleaning my black shoes today coz dad hates to see me in dirty shoes. I ended up with shoe polish on the clothes, in the sink and up my arm. Looking around to clean it up I noticed bits of white and red that Id been painting with today. I must be more disciplined and cover the surface I'm going to paint on and maybe limit it to the veranda, while the weather is good. Another thought - what will the theme for 2010 be? Its been creativity for the past two years, yeah I can just see you guys thinking "what about interpersonal skills" *smiles*

2nd Day - Holidays

Preparing for the trip to Taree, packing, unpacking and packing. What happened between 1991 and now, I don't know. Now I need to plan a week in advance. For instance, open the case and throw stuff in through the week that I might take. Prior to 1991 it was so easy, 1/2 hour before actually leaving Id stuff things in a bag and bolt out the door. Sure there were times when I did it hard like forgot the toiletries or the knickers but that didn't faze me then. Now I have to pack the mouth splint, floss and the toothbrush, 3 pairs of glasses, 2 pairs of orthotics, 3 charges. Man the last minute check list has turned in to a 10 minute short story..... Oh and I usally loose the phone, the keys and the money at least 3 times before I actually leave.

Still having a nice relax in the aircon tho.

1st Day Of Holidays

And I might say its been very relaxing and beneficial. At the gardens drawing then off to buy a new pair of sandals, get the feet attended to. I love having my feet look nice. And I finally have a solution for my 25 miniatures and its all going to be alright.

Spent some time with a few countrymen today and enjoyed every minute of it.

I'm on track for having a lovely day again tomorrow.

Kinkinya

Yesterday I had two singing gigs. The first was at Kinkinya in Lynham. Last year I cried while singing and then produced my first painting that went into an exhibition from that experience. This year I cried twice and really struggled to hold the carols together. I was not alone. I looked around and many other choristers also had tears in their eyes. I cried in away in a manger, cos the residence have no crib with their own families and silent night because these guys know what a silent day is like, and when the children sung and when a couple of old fellows joined in one singing, one dancing. It was tender crying a mixture of happiness and sadness and it felt like huge salt crystals jagged their way through my heart up and out my tear ducts. Ive been to many nursing homes and they have not affected me in this way and I get the feeling that this home has alot of love and care there. I might put my name down on the waiting list.

Reconciling

I had no idea my sister was morning my bareness until today. I thought I was the only one. She also morns my unmarriedness, I had no idea about any of that. Funny how you can be so close and not know. The words, "Ill never be an aunty, well not a real one or a bridesmaid" injected our relationship with the shot of something its needed for a long time. Mind you, technically she could be wrong on both counts, but that's neither here nor there for the sake of the story.

I do on occasion morn my childlessness but its getting easier as the years go on. Sometime I rejoice in it as well.

I don't morn my unmarriedness because I'm still hopeful that I will find someone to love who want only me the way I am.

The dramatics about the paintings are over. After speaking with Vincent all day, I think I might have been over reacting about the 25. The 25 only had gesso as the base not an acrylic like the stamps and that could be the problem. Ive still to test it but I'm pretty sure Vinnie's been a great help.

Disapointing Discovery

Ive been doing a series of postage stamps and wanted to present them in these little packets. However this morning I discovered that the sealer I have been using smudges the ink. I nearly bawled because I have used the same techniques for my series of 25. Its all character building stuff. And I am supposed to be writing my selection criteria instead of thinking of all the stuff ups Vincent must have had. No wonder he cut his ear off.

Kids at 25

I have now finished the pieces for the exhibition in march. Well just a few minor adjustments then the protective coating to be done. Its been a most exhausting Saturday as I basically painted all day and most the night. Enjoyed every minute of it. Now have another project about to begin. They will be in the shape of stamps. Hundertwasser has influenced me in his love of stamps and what they mean to him.

In 1990 Hundertwasser wrote: 'A stamp must experience its destiny. A true stamp must feel the tongue of its sender when its glue is licked. It must experience the dark inside of the letterbox. The stamp must bear the postmark, it must feel the Postman's hand - a stamp that has not been sent on a letter is not a stamp as it has never lived. It is a precious piece of art that reaches everybody as a present from afar. The stamp must bear witness to culture, beauty and human creativity. The most viable mark of national identity becomes the most effective way to convey the message of harmony'.

Gel Pens Picasa and Water Colours

Picasa is so much fun, it can take a dull peice of work and give it life. Im busy this weekend applying for the job Ive had for 18 months. Public Service, go figure....

Inspiration

Ive been struggling with the series of kids at play for the past couple of weeks, so I asked my unconscious mind to come up with some scenarios for me while I was asleep. I came up with 4 but can only remember three this morning, but will ask my mind what the 4th one is through the day and it should appear soon. After I paint these I only have 5 more activities to come up with. I love this technique and use it quite a bit. Especially when I cant find my phone.

Botanicals At 8am

Judy and I went painting at the botanicals this morning. It was so cool and full of nurturing energy. I think I will go again tomorrow morning early. I painted a few more kids for the exhibition and this is a sample of Judys work. She has just been accepted into ANUs Art School. Love her attitude.

Internatioinal Disabilities Day

To quote my nephew Hamish who introduced me to this band " These people are better at being friends than normal people because they dont push people away "

Love Tambo Girl. Whooo!!!

5 Skins - Hundertwasser

I'm still possessed by this man. Love the way its so simple and deep at the same time.

Favorite Shoes Ever

Ever had the feeling that something is not quite right? Well when I entered my car last Saturday there was a "definite" smell that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Well thats because I couldn't reach the offending stinker. I normally only use my car on the weekends because I walk during the week. So the previous weekend I went shopping and stocked up on the fruit and veg. Somehow a potatoe had escaped from the shopping bag and lodged itself under the drivers seat. When I opened the door, I thought to myself "smells like a dead cat around here". Driving out the underground car park the light and the smell really was hitting me hard so I stopped on the street to search. I looked in the usual spots, like the storage containers built in to the car, then on the back seat and then under the drivers seat where I spied something that looked like regurgitated mince, like a cat might make. I actually had to come up for breath at this point closing the door. I was stumped as to what kind of animal it really was. I'm thinking rat, ferret, blue tongue lizard and by the time my imagination was in full flight I decided to solve this mystery for good. Gloved my hand in a plastic bag that was loose in the back and in I went like a Cornish Miner. Yuckky!! it was all soft and warm and that's when I spotted the green shoots. I can tell you I was relieved to know it was vegetable matter.

Whats this got to do with the shoes?

Visual Diary

Sorry guys, I tend to loose inspiration if I don't get comments these days. The reason is I am actually keeping a visual diary off line as well.

Ive titled this collage "Love At Midnight". This is the closest thing Ive seen so far, as a still, of how my dreams look.

And a personal best at the bench press of 34.5kg.

Collage Enhanced

Im loving this medium and this time I played with the image in Picassa. Im batteling with myself about enhancing images, not sure how that pans out with copyright. Ill have to do some research on that subject.

A Relaxing Day

Bangarra 2

I'm still having flashbacks about that performance last night. There is so much to ponder.

Today at belly dancing I was able to squat for the first time in 10 years. I'm so wrapped that I can do that now, Ive been practicing at home on and off all afternoon. Belly dancing is really difficult for me because of the dyslexia but I'm not giving up. I just take a while for my body to be able to speak the language of dance. The birthing scene in last nights performance...............theres no words for that.

http://www.abc.net.au/arts/video/tv_program/messagestick.htm#videoTop

Bangarra

Just got home from seeing this wonderful group perform. This is the best live stage show I have ever seen. Lord of the dance with Micheal Flattely comes a dull second.

It creeps up on you and before you know it there are the shivers the tears and lots of emotions fleeting by. Most of the dancing horizontal to the ground, the music haunting, props simple but complex at the same time. Themes such as blankets, busted car turned on its side, use of sticks, huge elastic bands and the gliding scene of water was indescribable.

Costume simple and tasteful, no actual "star soloist" keeping with Indigenous culture. No rampant sexuality. If I had to use two words to describe it it would be energetic harmony. So gentle but strong.

Friedensreich Hundertwasser

Last night Angelica introduced me to this artist, architect and paid a great compliment to me saying she thinks my art style is in this fashion. So when she left I looked him up on the computer and I just love his philosophy and work. Here are some pearler quotes and links.

"Just carrying a ruler with you in your pocket should be forbidden, at least on a moral basis. The ruler is the symbol of the new illiteracy. The ruler is the symptom of the new disease, disintegration of our civilisation."

"The straight line is ungodly. "

"When we dream alone it is only a dream, but when many dream together it is the beginning of a new reality.”

" I will not build home where by nature and the human's soul will suffer" (this might be a solution for building homes the Indigenous people on the NT might want to live in)

And he once gave a lecture completely naked........

http://www.gruene-zitadelle.de/englisch/index.php?id=6

Collage

Ive never liked collage until I saw this ladys http://teeshascircus.blogspot.com/ work. Here is the first attempt and I think Im already in love with it.

Thank You

Over the past 3 years Ive sought people and organisations out that have helped me in some way that I didnt have the time or courage to say thank you to. And also tell them of the examples. Alot of them said "oh, I didnt realise I did". I want to leave this world with minimal regrets and I just found this video that says it all and with rememberance day just passed it has been on my mind about our solders especially.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSfFYxSdKdo

Toxic Stream

“This toxic stream carries a culture of death where sex is sport, where drugs and drunkenness are rites of teen passage, and violence and death are entertainment. It really doesn’t mater where you live, the toxic culture streams into your child's mind through friends, movies, television and video games and the Internet.” Bill Oliver

He thinks Anna Nicole Smith is the poster child of this culture. Talked about the duty of care to celebrities, allowing the popularity not for the content of her TV show but the shock value.

I think this is one of the best descriptions of how we are living Ive seen so far and it is certainly taking its toll, especially on young males. So many suicides, accidental murders and car accidents. I used to be surrounded by that on a daily basis, numb to it really, had to not care unless it was right in your face, but now Ive moved away and become desensitised its really starting to ..... taken a while to find the word - lacerate me.

Great Day

I'm feeling really happy and harmonious today. I had breakfast with an uplifting friend, went belly dancing then out to see Marie at her home. It was funny because I'm not sure if she recognised me at first so I just sat at the table and Chris (who she shares her house with) came up to check me out. They had a few kisses, which surprised me a bit, but after a while he was saying to her that "shes a fat bitch" to which she replied"your a dickhead" and I nearly burst out laughing. Nothing like these people to reflect back to you how the world sees you. It was charming. I called in to the poetry festival at a pub and got some very handy hints including meeting some editors and authors. It was free and very worth the effort. Then home to photograph my first two garlic heads I grew myself and the Maggie Beer burnt fig ice cream which is exquisite. Life is good.

Gaston Buchelard Quotes

"Childhood is certainly greater than reality"

"So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us. "

The subconscious is ceaselessly murmuring, and it is by listening to these murmurs that one hears the truth.

“Childhood lasts all through life. It returns to animate broad sections of adult life. . . . Poets will help us to find this living childhood within us, this permanent, durable immobile world.”

"If I were asked to name the chief benefit of the house, I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming, the house protects the dreamer, the house allows one to dream in peace. "

I went to watch the belly dancing school perform last night and also my friends daughter dance.

My First Friend - Jenny

Taken at the museum in Darwin. Ive got a good grip on Jenny in case she got away on me.

Love and Fear

This afternoon I had a "manager once removed" meeting and left feeling something had been removed. I was feeling so bad about myself when I got home I rang my sister and told her I want her to tell me how deadly I am. She launched the spiel where I'm a genius who holds the department up with all the immense efforts over the years of hard work with hardly any pay. I had to pull her up twice and say no your going too far now, but she wouldn't stop until I got shitty then we both laughed. Thats when some of the fear left. Then this couple in the funniest wedding photos ive ever seen, invited themselves for tea and I really wasn't in the mood especially after the once removed and having minimal food in the house. Im no good at hospitality, but they must have known I really needed them coz they come to tell me they are having a baby. I bawled and laughed, poured over their photos and chose these four which are so hilarious. On the way out Jerry was saying his father was asking where they trying.... I piped up and said more like an Olympic sport... no hands, and we all rolled around laughing. That's rid the fear and I'm full of love again.

Visual Diary

I'm always surprised what appears in my visual diary when I am out of my normal environment.

The drawing of the little Aboriginal girl needed to be done because I could not get her gorgeous smile out of my mind until it hit the paper. The picture doesn't do her justice but I wanted to remember that sweet little face.

Unpacking

Its always a struggle for me to unpack the suitcase when I get home from holidays, but I completed that chore today. And it feels good. I want to launch myself into the next phase of work with out all the overheads dragging me down. I'm feeling that this the way to go. Have a day at home before commencing work. Had a nice breakfast at the botanical in the cool air and just for fun, Will (the bug spotter) and I spent some time in the hot house to get our humidity levels back up.

My Home Smells Good

Ive had a great time away. Before I left the girls at work helped me to get this badge together for the trip. Ive discovered that men love badges and caps oh and my jumper leads that could start a mack truck. Comments and fun conversation arose, like "are you taking the piss?" Whats the TAA Junior Flyers Club about? "Are you a pilot" and "If your here, who's flying the plane?" I'm so cranked on this badge now that I'm going to trawl eBay to see if I can find a real one.

But on the trip back home tonight I had the joy of sharing the plane all the way from Darwin with years 4,5 & 6 from the Casuarina School in Katherine. AND... I might add they were beautifully behaved. All wearing the cold weather jackets for the length of the trip. I'm smiling at the little orange footed scrub fowls.....

And I love the way my dad calls Katherine, Kadjarhine.

And Ive seen the Time Traveller Wife twice in 48 hours and give it 7.5/10

And, And AND

Fudge

Laugh, some one broke in to dads place and the only thing they stole was my chocolate fudge I made and the tray it was in. I think that has confirmed my prowess as a chocolate fudge maker.

This is a picture of dad in his "studio". Hes been making these awesome coffee tables for the past 5 years and the one pictured here is for Laurens 22nd birthday.

Naming

Yesterday I took three of my paintings to breakfast with my old school teachers and my first ever friend Jenny. I bawled when I saw Jenny and it was so good to see her at last. Its been over 20 years. I wanted them to name some of kids in the paintings. Ive recently got dad to name two as well. What was so interesting is the men have found it really difficult to come up with names. I asked dad why and he said he was trying to find someone who looked like my figures. Its kind of cute that the men want to find the right names for my kids. When I get back from holidays Ill be asking my readers to name a few as well.

Leighs Surprise Birthday

Ive been off line for the past week or so because I'm in Darwin for my friend Leighs surprise 40th and didn't trust my self to be able to hide the fact that I was going to Darwin for Leigh who is following my blog faithfully. Now it almost midnight and Ive just returned from the party and its been so emotional, I couldn't talk most of the time. She was surrounded by so much love and friendship and her 17 yo daughter took the lead in the most amazing way. Leighs impromture speech was great and in a nutshell she said she doesn't have anyone in her life that doesn't make her feel good. Such grace. I'm loving her more.
Leigh in red and some of her lovely family. The 4 littlies stayed at home.

Breast Cancer Day

Saw this awesome tattoo today on a lady I used to work with back in the 80s. From what she told be about the disease, I now understand why she needed to have this as a tattoo.

Three

Talking about the rule of thirds in photography today and walking home I found these two treasures. Luv three, love the Holy Trinity.

National Portrait Prize 2009 - Entry

I have entered this competition and encourage you guys to enter as well. Closes on the 9/11/2009. http://www.portrait.gov.au/site/nppp.php?step=1


This is the artist statement I attached to it.

Here my father Robert is cutting my toenails, which have become so thick with age no scissors can hack through them. What is so beautiful about this scene is this tough Northern Territory mans willingness to clip his daughter’s toenails. I love the expressions he pulls, the determination to get that nail off and the anklet of sand fly bites on my right foot. All that work results in the happy family portrait contrasting white Canberra feet against his suntanned Darwin feet while washing dries. I always laugh when I see this image and the word “Kerrigan’s” comes to mind.

4 Hours @ The Botanicals

Lok at these treasures. The ferns were in the glass house where it was very humid. To think I used to live like that.....

Internet

Cant wait until my energy levels return to normal and I can get back to resistance training.

Belly Dancing

Really enjoying my lessons and practice. Think I will be in the beginner class for at least 6 months and that's OK too. I'm not missing Fbook and glad the huge flow of emails has ceased and I get back to gentle journaling with blogger. Still have these cold symptoms but back to work Monday.