Nightmares

Ive been screaming every nite, so I am told, since arriving in the NT. Last night dad said he heard me screaming "I don't want to die" that must have been when I woke up tangled in the curtains with my ipod earplugs wrapped around my neck. Its so embarrassing. It stops me from going and staying at peoples houses that don't know me very well. No one ever checks on me anymore to see if I am really dying. Drama queen.

Global Gossip

Here I am back in the tropics. Sweltering of course. Its been a mad 5 days. My nephew drove me back to Katherine (320Km) in his V8 Statesman only thing was is that there was no air conditioning and the back windows didn't wind down and traveling at 140-160kmh with the smell of petrol in 40 degree heat was a bit concerning for the first 5 minutes anyway. I look so attractive with my windburned lips and hair like a strawman. What we do for love hey?

Speaking of love I caught up with my first two loves in Darwin. How cool is this? I decided I would go to the Parap Markets to get sticky rice, paw paw and mangoes and as I was coming around the corner I literally bumped in to Jurgen. I was so over the top emotional that he had a white glow around him and all I could see was his lovely soft brown eyes and I thought he wasn't wearing glasses any more, but in reality he was as he told me later he cant see anything with out them.

The ladies toilet mirror at Adelaide River....

Graduation from Dylexia School & Enrolment in Recorder School

I am a fully fledged SEER now. Im so happy that I have normal stereo and depth of field vision again after 40 odd years. It has been proved to me that I am speedy sequencer and I now do problem solving as a matter of course and my brain no longer suppresses the images coming through the right eye. It was a long and exhausting journey, with many depressions and mounting highs as the weeks progressed. When I graduated I immediately went to Judys place and picked up my treble recorder and two books to take on holidays with me. I though bugger it Im not backing off now and resting, Im going hell for leather to learn the music and maybe one day proper voice methods cos I want to have groups of people come for fun sing-a-longs to my place.

I'm like a monkey with quintuplets, not knowing know whether to read, paint or play recorder first.

I also went back to the Art for Healing Exhibition and Elizabeth was there. I asked her about the quote regarding the precious names. She said "Kim those beautiful words were on your evaluation sheet". I must have been way overstimulated that day because I don't remember writing them. Come to think of it most of the beautiful and profound words I come out with I don't remember. I believe that's Godde talking and that's why I don't remember them.

I sent a text message today to a friend who would like to sound more Ozzie. At first when I met her, I shut down because of her American accent ( I know thats descrimation and wrong), but once she started talking I just loved what she was saying. So now I don't want her to loose it. I wrote in the message "I believe something beautiful will be lost if you change the way you say heart or hearty. I makes me sad to think that may happen." So no more descrimination from me about accents. Its through love I learn stuff.

Art For Healing Exhibition

This was much harder than I expected... Going to this exhibition. I really wanted to spend time with each piece but it was too confronting. Comments about the course from the participants evaluation sheets were read out including these " It enabled women survivors to work more on boundaries" and "Their connection with the art therapist and the Canberra Rape Crisis Centre counsellor was indicated as "two precious names in my healing journey." The last quote I almost cried when I heard it. I left there wondering who wrote it. I suspected the boundary one was from my form.

One of the two people Id invited turned up. Theresa Angert-Quilter the most fab minister, in a lovely pink linen shirt. Have I said before that this woman ROCKS!!!!? Luckily Melinda and Elizabeth who were in my group were there and I felt safe then. And Aileen Mahoney and Elizabeth Burn who ran the course welcomed me. Aileen cried when I gave her the card (the St Ninians Jalbu). She said she was going to treasure it for ever. Inside the card I said that her body language told me that she was excited by what I was doing and that she had seen Jalbu coming a long time before I did. After a short time I started having a hot flush, but it didn't stop it kept coming and I had to leave as it was all too much for me.

Jalbu Goes To Market

These are the first batch of cards I am sending out to the public. They are for the fete at St Ninians while I am in the NT. Its taken alot of work to put the ribbons around them but lovely at the same time as I said prayers for the people and the church. 90 cards in all. I kept 10 for myself.

Beth and Peppi Rupert

Madonna and child...

Beth my next door neighbour was downing her sorrows the other night and after a bottle of wine went out an purchased a pup. Next morning she confesses her bad decision to which I said "I have no problem with you having an animal but it wouldn't be fair to the pup" I am soooooo glad she ignored my spiel and kept the pup anyway. He is really gorgeous and I baby sat him for 2 hours today. I do admit that he looks like a black blob but he has so much attitude. Beth is frightened about what the body corporate migh say but I said well, with you and me being executives I don't think we need to worry. We might even make Peppi an executive to balance out all the other bitches.

Max - Fab Branch Manager

When I had my meltdown at work I went to Max and cried pathetically and told him I refused to go back to that helpdesk. He was lovely to me and had the tissues at the ready. I suspect that Lancelot's his second name as well.

So last night I did this card for him because hes been away for 2 months and I must admit I was a bit concerned that he had left me all alone. Ive tried to see him for the past two weeks but hes never in his office. I just want to give him a happiness rating before I go on holidays and thank him for his support through this Dyslexia treatment.

Roller Coaster Monday

I'm still shaking from the roller coaster of emotions that Ive had today. First up, I was feeling very crook from the chemotherapy drugs I take for the Rheumatoid Arthritis. Ive been feeling so good lately that I had forgotten to take the antagonist vitamin Folic Acid (that stops the nausea) for the past 6 weeks. Well got the message now and hoping not to fall into that trap again.

Then I had to go over to Woden for work. I was just walking back to get the bus back to Tuggeranong and this bloke walked up to me and asked me for $2. (how come every one wants $2?) Gave him the usual spiel that I don't give money but I do give food. He said he didn't want food so I asked him can I buy him a coffee. He was pretty hesitant so I started walking towards a coffee shop (stylish type one) and he quickly followed and said he'd like a Late. Luckily I had $8 left. Anyway I ordered 2 coffees and went and sat down at the table. He followed me and didn't know where to look. I launch myself in to the reasons for not giving money. I said I don't give money because money is not the problem. Its more likely not enough food or nourishing drink but the biggest problem is the problem of not enough love..... well that rocked him. He ended up telling my hes a victim of a Catholic Priest who has just been found out as a pedophile in Canberra. He explained to me that he never knows whats true coz when that Priest was doing that stuff - if someone said its daylight outside he wouldn't believe it until he walked out in to the sun to see for himself. He kept calling me Missy, even though I had introduced myself. This is a common indicator of people who have been abused. I myself didn't use peoples names until well into my 40s because I felt if I used peoples names they would have power and I couldn't risk that. So I just tried to build him up and told him he still looks young and good and that I am sure that if he really wants to he will get his life in order because I feel it that his energy can do it. When I left the coffee shop to get the bus, he called out from a long distance " Have a nice day Missy". I gave him a great big smile.

Then I checked to see if my proof was ready for printing and it was. That was exciting, however I have decided to get cream card instead of white so its going to take a little longer to print.

Off then to the Dyslexia Centre. Did a few maze drawings and Jim tested my confidence by asking me if I wanted to change things. I said no - its right. He kept on and after 6 tries gave in and said you are right, it is right. I just wanted to see when/if you would start doubting yourself. Then he gave me a problem solving sequencing test. I finished it in 30 seconds. He was blown away. He said it usually takes people about 10 minutes to work it out. I said I felt pretty damn good because Id never been able to do stuff like that before. I started getting really teary. He said he wanted to tell me something and that he wasn't just saying it to build my confidence but I am getting through all this very fast and expertly. He said people my age are not usually able to take the menial work thinking that its way below them, and I have just grabbed it with both eyes and ran with it. I was bawling. Then on my way out he stuck his head through the door and said "you made my day Kim" I said you made mine Jim.

Then I thought Id call into my mates place on the way home coz shes hurt her shoulder. I said how are you going my angel and she said have a seat its going to take awhile. Her relationship of 18 years is rocky. I was building her up and saying that she has lived through some pretty bad stuff in the past and I believe she would make the right decisions, just like she always does. Then she wanted to know if I was going to sing with her again and I said probably not for awhile because I want to learn how to read music first now the Dyslexia is on the way out. She being the dear thing she is said you'll do some lessons with me wont you and I said no. She has an Order of Australia Medal for her work in Music Education. Here's me saying no..... go figure. She kept on until I told her why I wouldn't do it with her. Amongst the snot and tears I sobbed "you will find out how dumb I am". PATHETIC!! From then on she was giving me logic and reason asking me questions rubbing my arm until I could look at her in the eyes and say yes, I will let you teach me. Check the attitude will you........ Straight away she said " when you get back from Katherine - you come and see me and I will get you a keyboard in the meantime or would you like a recorder instead? I said I would like to do recorder because they can sound beautiful and all medieval like. Right - we will get you a treble and she was on a mission. How fab is that? I don't even know what a treble is but I know its something good.

How many hurdles can a middle aged girl jump in one day? (with out twisting an ankle)

Painting Poppies with Tess

Last weekend at church the visiting minister came up to me and asked me what made made me change churches. I told him I wasn't growing in the Catholic Church any more. He had this cool Book of Kells tie on. Anyway I felt a kind of sadness when I was looking at that tie and said that I really missed the sign of peace and Communion in the Catholic Church. The sign of peace is when you turn to the person next to you and wish them peace, while shaking their hand. I said to him that this is very important especially for older people who don't get touched enough. He agreed most heartily.

Well today Theresa was back on deck. I couldn't believe it she wanted us to show a sign of peace to each other. Everyone was sitting there stunned so I started offering my hand and they soon got the drift. For me it was perfect. One of the comments I heard was "we're starting to be a friendly lot". They have already been very friendly and welcoming to me and that's why I like going there.

I have known for the past couple of months this minister, Theresa, is trying to give me what I need. At first I thought I was imagining it, now I am certain of it. Its the most unusual spiritual relationship Ive had with a leader. Its based on everything except direct conversation. You might think at this point, words such as paranoid, dreamer, pull yourself together before you pull yourself apart. Please feel free to think that.... I just cant explain whats happening or for what reason.

This is the painting I did with Tesses water colours this arvo. I really like the vibrant colours here. Different from the $5 paints I own.

Paul Newman

Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this.. True story.

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where

Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.

There was only one other patron in the store:Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!

The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty.Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something! No ice cream cone was in sight..With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.His face broke into his familiar,warm,friendly grin and he said to the woman,
'You put it in your purse.'

Thanks to Leigh Ive double up laughin at this. Reminds me of the day I was driving my dads ute over the railway line towards the T section of the Vic and Stuart Highways when I spotted this spunk Id been lusting after for a couple of weeks walking in the same direction. I was so engrossed with his walk that I didn't see the cars in front of me stop. By the time I did see I had to break so hard it made a howling screech and just avoided butting the car in front. The guy just kept strolling with a leering grin. It was so embarrassing for me to see him at the disco later on. I was so shitty with myself I lost the lust and never even got to kiss him.

Figures

Im thinking of starting my own card range. Three people have suggested that they would sell.

Unusual Things

Yesterday, when on my way to the Dyslexia Centre a pigeon flew above my car. When I parked and got out a man was standing there and asked me if that was my pigeon. I said no the only bird I have in my life is the Holy Spirit.

Today, on my way home to collect my car before going to the Dyslexia Centre a man who looked Tibetan walked towards me and softly asked me for $2. I said I wouldn't give him money but I would give him food. He said he would like food. So I said come with me while I go get some food from my fridge. I got him fruit, a fruit drink, yogurt, rice and tuna. He was very happy when I rocked out side with the goods.

Whats this about? Got to be something in this.

Slippery Dip

Great joy today. William held my hand the normal way and also monkey grip way.

We went on the slippery dip and I haven't been on one for at least 15 years and gee it was fun.

My bum wouldn't fit in the swing seat tho, maybe next year.

Spending time with Moo and her boys was very relaxing and uplifting to my spirit. Thanks Moo. XXX luv ya.

Moo's Visit

Dear Moo came with her family today. Patrick (15) and William (5) are both gorgeous boys. Patrick is so soulful and William can read better than I can. Please note the phone number on Williams arm. Apparently this is what parents do these days when they take their children out into public, in case they get lost. I think its a great idea.

Moo really looked after me in 1998 when my house got flooded and I had no where to live. Shes very generous and gorgeous as you can see those cute little dimples in her cheeks under her eyes. When my dad saw her for the first time he said " see that sheila over there" "She looks like your mother did when I first met her".

My heart melted when Patrick said after the photos were taken of us two "mum I haven't heard you laugh like this for a long time".

Vunerability and Love

I'm pondering the reason why I only start to really love people after I can see their vunerability.


"I have two ways of loving You:A selfish one
And another way that is worthy of You.
In my selfish love, I remember You and You alone.
In that other love, You lift the veil
And let me feast my eyes on Your Living Face."

Rabi’á al-Basra

Art For Healing Lunch

I took the day off because I knew I would be emotional after gathering with the other ladies from the program. That was smart because I stayed for 1 1/2 hours and it was probably 5 minutes too long. Healthy food tho - no water in sight. What is it with these Canberrans? They don't seem to know that water is the elixir of life. Anyway an Indigenous lady "Betty" kept going back to my piece and looking at it. Later when she found out that I did the painting we talked about how she felt about it. She said she had to keep pulling herself back from touching it. She kept saying that all through the conversation. The red ink is still not dried which is unusual, but maybe that's what the painting needs to be for now. It will be interesting to see when it actually dries and what sort of head space I am in at that time. The hardest part of that painting was dropping the red ink onto the canvas. It was like solid energy came from deep inside of me and disseminated in to the air around me. On the way home I saw the gorgeous Magnolia tree and whiped in for a quick portrait with the new Irlen lenses on. Ahhh its a beautiful world with the glasses on.