Nasty Reality Check

Yes, tonight at the bowser. Called in to refuel with 10 bucks. It was 10:15pm. The guy behind the counter was totally confused as to why I was filling up with $10. We were joking and laughin about it... well until he asked me have I finished work. I said yeah at 5pm. He said no I mean are you******RETIRED*****************. Cheeky lil shit! I'm fractured.

Ive been through the phase of stop acting like a baby, be a big girl. I get to the girl stage and its start acting like a teenager. Act your age not your shoe size.... Start acting like a grown up, start acting like an adult. Start acting like a responsible adult. But since 1999 people have been saying things like "people your age". Calling me a woman... I want to be a GIRL. I don't want this word retire in my life unless I'm retiring NOT BLOODY OUT!

Paw Paw drawn by Simmone

Marina Returns

As some of you know Marina had flounced out the door some time ago, declaring never to return as shed had a gutfull of her crusty old mother and it was time for her and Puss In Boots to make a home of their own. Well anyway on Friday nite she returned all contrite an apologetic, asking if she could come back and stay until she "found" herself again. Of course I bent overbackwards for her and said that its ok and you must always feel free to come back home.

So when the visitors arrived she sat around doing her nails and using all the hot water exfoliating and conditioning as usual. Her cousin Aaron captured this pose of her semi reclined on the couch. Damn good likeness dont you reckon?

Jacob

This gorgeous boy (7) came to stay with his new found family over night with me in Canberra. His dad 56, sister 32 and his nephew (8) were with him. He has not met his sister, nephew or me before yesterday. Im most impressed with this boy who is gentle, unassuming, helpful and very artistic. I so loved his picture of my chair that I am going to have it framed. Im wondering if the chair represents himself.

In a round about way we are related, tho not by blood.

One Republic

This song is AWESOME!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8oBykb_Pqs

I loved you with a fire red.... has kept me dreaming for days.

Mary & Sandy

I had lunch with Mary today. I met her about a month after I shifted to Canberra and shes been so good to me. Every time I fall off the Catholic Wagon she tries to get be back on. We were talking about a program called Cursillo, which is a short course (weekend) about Gods Grace. I dont know alot about it but every one I have spoken to that attended really loved it. While we were chatting I started smiling and Mary said what are you smiling about " I said, when I am with Sandy (Cursillo leader) I always feel like I'm a special project". Mary said that's a lovely thing to say.

Carpet Mans Shoes

These fine shoes have the top missing out of them from the guy crawling around on his knees all day. I was fascinated watching him restretch my carpet. Its so great to see people doing their craft. I'm always fascinated at chiefs ability to chop up stuff in neat little piles so finely and not end up with a really short nose picking finger.

They Pick Me Up

ROSIE POSIE, I thought I had been dumped by you. What a nice surprise to hear from you via comments? You've locked me outa your my space account and I found you on facebook but no body home there either.

Me mate SPARKS blesses me in this way (through comments) as well and it always seems to come at the right time.

Leighbreath Ward leaves me humorous comments as well.

Moo - your always there in the background hovering over this wayward woman.


So a BiG tHanKKKKK you, sistas. I love ya man.

Crap

I think I might have used this word out of place yesterday. I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine about some photos I picked up from Big W for her. She wasnt at her home at the time and she asked me are there any good ones. I said "you dont open other peoples crap with out them being there" Im so feral. In Katherine that would be acceptable language and every one would also know that crap is valuable stuff as well, but not here.

I have been beating myself up about it all night and going to have to go and explain myself.

Linking back to cultural life no one is allowed to look at anyone elses Goona, or when Kudjuk is happening right next to you you are not allowed to look. Im wondering if I have a squewed view about privacy.

Winters Here

On my way to Weight Watchers today it was bleak, so foggy that you could only see 100 metres in front of you. The landscape pic is looking out onto the lake. This city has attitude tho. By the time I finished at the WW meeting it was all blue skies and crispness. Yes, its going to be a long term relationship.

Africa Sanctus

This is the most terrifying and rewarding performance I have ever done. 11 months of practice and well worth every frustration I was able to bust through. Judith Clingan is the most awesome and inspiring woman I have meet in a long time. Lindy Jane my faithfull friend turned up to see me do my best Rufiano. Thanks LJ. You Rock, sista.

New Mother - Sharon Olds Poem

A week after our child was born,
you cornered me in the spare room
and we sank down on the bed
You kissed me and kissed me, my milk undid its
burning slip-knot through my nipples,
soaking my shirt. All week I had smelled of milk, fresh milk, sour. I began to throb my sex had been torn easily as cloth by the crown of her head, I'd been cut with a knife and sewn,
the stitches pulling at my skin - and the first time you're broken, you don't know you'll be healed again, better than before.
I lay in fear and blood and milk
while you kissed and kissed me, your lips hot and swollen
as a teen-age boy's your sex dry and big,
all of you so tender, you hung over me,
over the nest of the stitches, over the splitting and tearing,
with the patience of someone who
finds a wounded animal in the woods
and stays with it, not leaving its side
until it is whole, until it can run again.

I first read this poem 5 years ago and it gave me a great insight into motherhood that is not often discussed. I especially loved the the patience of waiting until wholeness arrives.

Will Gets A Feed At The Coronet Breakfast Bar

And survives.

Being "young" he doesnt worry about using the stairs.

Sparks

This gorgeous family came to visit me yesterday. That's Natasha with the funky dress and her mum Julie and John, the dear boy. Everything went wrong with the plan of cooking nice food from them to eat for morning tea. Like the biscuits burned, I didn't finish putting my new computer table together and it was strewn all over the lounge room floor. I was nearly bawling by the time they arrived. The dear boy took control the way he always does and put it together for me with Natasha's assistance. Might I add how damn HOT it looks. By the time they left I could hardly talk because Id been talking so much and laughing and being overstimulated. I crashed into bed for an hours sleep before going to choir, hoping the vocal cords would hold up. No chance - I couldn't get that high B and felt like I had smoked a packet of Craven A's at the end of it all. Didn't give up though. The dear ones asked me for dinner at a Thai Restaurant. The chili certainly sorted out the vocal cords.